Being a Mom Archives - The Motherly Heap

Intentional Motherhood: Mothering with Purpose

Jordan N. — Fri, 11 Jun 2021 15:12:36 +0000

Intentional Motherhood is something to focus on nowadays to keep yourself in line with your personal and family values. It is being prepared, pausing to think before responding, and prioritizing what matters. This parenting way falls under the lines of Intentional Parenting. As I sat quietly typing about this particular post, I couldn’t help but think about where I was in my mothering. I’m still in the depths of learning through parenting, truth be told. But, my motherhood walk is what it is for my kids and myself. The values that I hold myself accountable for act as guards to my mothering heart and definitely keeping me on my toes. You asked yourself, do this situation you’re in, and your reaction, really matter? Had you responded differently last time, would it do any good? Are you distracted that you miss some opportunities to connect with your kids? What does it take to parent with intention? What are your expectations in the way you parent? Is there a particular type of parenting you are most leaning into? These questions are what helps you sort out your reasons for the way you parent your kids. So, when you take time to identify the core values; you want your children to learn and practice, you willfully model them every day. But, mainly, being focused on your parenting mission can assist you in how to become intentional in your mothering. You carve your own path by centering yourself with purpose, genuinely connecting yourself with your kids, and most especially relying on yourself to parent your kids the way you intend to. You are not getting influenced by outside your circle or comparing yourself to other moms. Instead, practice what’s right for you and your kids – what intentional motherhood is all about. You parent your kids to create a meaningful impact on their lives and yourself as well. As you go about your day, the long list of to-dos is infinite. In completing your daily list, find the approach that works on achieving them. So your time and energy are used efficiently. You also become intentional with spending time with your kids, and you find ways to complete those tasks at hand. Doing what’s needed at home at the same time being attentive to kids. For me, it helps me create purposeful daily routines by scribbling them down and checking them off. Although, it doesn’t automatically mean I have crossed everything off the list, or at least I try to at the end of the day. How to Become Intentional in Motherhood? 1. Your connection with your kids. Ask yourself if something is lacking. How can you fill the gap in creating a powerful connection? When you mother purposely, you strengthen the bond. Additionally, your kids’ need for love and belongingness is met as they grow and develop. Taking the time to listen to what your kids have to say about their day or activity. Get down on their level to share each moment, and they’ll see that you are invested in them wholeheartedly. Initiate time to celebrate any positive behavior around your home. Verbally acknowledge your kids’ actions or words that promote core family values. When my kids are sharing and helping out each other, we point out those moments and celebrate them. These simple acknowledgments will encourage more like behaviors shown by your kids. 2. Putting yourself ahead. Yes, you read it right. As you establish a priority on caring for yourself, you’ll be able to care for others. The daily strains in your mom life won’t rattle your drive to nurture. Moreover, doing planned self-care can help you reach your own mothering goals. Intend to create time for yourself. Find some realistic self-care tips to integrate into your busy life. One or two flexible enough to squeeze in without feeling guilty for taking a mommy time out. Consciously caring for yourself emotionally can prevent you from getting resentful of the people or things around you. So first, I put a time block for the times when mothering moments can get demanding. Then I reset myself as the situation began to calm down. More reading on self-care: Self-Care Tips for Working Moms 3. Believe that you can. Seeds of doubt that settle deep can hugely affect the way you parent your kids. You may be in a situation where you parent in fear, shame, or worse, guilt. Don’t let these shadows stop you. Self-condemnation is the culprit of negative parenting. Open your mind to the great possibility of parenting with a positive purpose. Commit to intentionally get there every day, even if some days aren’t just going your way. Believe that you’re chosen to mother these kids and that you’re someone who can mold them into better individuals and as members of society. Instilling good personal values in them and centering themselves with love and kindness. 4. Keep your life simple through intentional motherhood. Don’t overbook yourself. Don’t drown in chaos. Streamline what you need to keep your daily living simplified. You consciously carve out more precious time for you and your kids to spend. Your responsibilities and duties at home, at work, and all other branches in your life can get prioritized within the topmost MUST-DO that day. You DO NOT have to do it all, no matter how you think you’re failing. Take a step back and slow down. Eliminate distractions that can hinder fulfilling your mothering intentions. When we don’t intentionally pause, it’s effortless to get side swept by bits and pieces that can compromise connections with our family. 5. As mothers, we all have our village. Your spouse is your immediate lifeline in the primary circle. All others being dependent on who you let in the boundaries of your perimeter. Some days it can get exhausting. But, having someone acknowledging and validating your feelings without judgment is more than enough. Sometimes, you don’t need advice. But, mostly, all you need is someone to listen. Communication is vital when you are drowning in all that you’re supposed to rejoice in motherhood. So express what you need at the moment. Don’t expect your village to read your mind. Instead, make your intentions known when asking for advice or help. To adopt intentional motherhood is to accept it’s a journey. All in all, mothering isn’t a race to who ends up perfect at the finish line. Mothering with intentions does not have to be complicated. But let’s be honest, nobody has a perfect score. We can all learn from each other. You are perfectly validated when you don’t love mothering every second. Additionally, mothers don’t only have positive feelings towards being a mom. But also, the vulnerability of having negative emotions is lurking closer than you thought. Positive, intentional motherhood takes you to a different kind of mothering journey. This process involves setting purposeful goals and strengthening your connection with your kids. In addition, embracing yourself with care, simplifying your life, and reaching out to your circle. When I switched gears, it’s making a profound impression on my mothering these days. Yet, I don’t expect everyone to fall right into place in mothering with intentions. It takes willingness, patience, and humility to do so, and to which I could use some more in my motherhood lessons every day. This method of mothering with purpose is another route for any mother to walk on. I hope that every mom who’s willing to be intentional in their mothering will flourish. Therefore, find more meaning and purpose in their journey. Once you decide to parent with intention, I challenge you to discover ways that work for you. Search within you – what you truly desire and what outcome you want to achieve. Then, look to these steps for guidance when you’re unsure where to begin in mothering with purpose. In the end, you’re a mother who wants what’s best for her kids and wants to build a solid relationship with them. Let me know in the comments what goals you’ve set for yourself to mother intentionally. What are the steps you are embracing to reach these mothering goals? Thanks for being here. Share this post with your mom group or Pin on Pinterest.

The post Intentional Motherhood: Mothering with Purpose appeared first on The Motherly Heap.

Being a Mom: Finding the Joy and Letting Go in Motherhood

Jordan N. — Mon, 17 May 2021 21:25:04 +0000

It’s hard being a mom. What I know is that mothering doesn’t come uncomplicated. On the contrary, each walk has some peaks and ever-changing challenges. I struggle in gratitude about my motherhood because the thoughts that hover more were the ones that brought doubts in me. Staying positive amidst all the mothering hardships is half the battle. I am a stronger person because of what I’ve encountered daily, and it’s not getting any easier either, only different. Not until I stopped and looked deeper did I get to see the big screen. My life screen was as clear as a summer day. I was more than leaning into matters that gave me undue anxiety. Yet, there I was, trying to change an issue I can’t; not see the point for the way they were. Finding the Joys in Motherhood Appreciating what matters. The reason for being joyful in mothering need not be enormous. The people in your life and experiences do matter every day. Thus, letting your heart open to this wondrous path of cherishing each moment as if it’s the last. Witnessing my son riding his bike without training wheels was a highlight in one of our summers. My daughter graduating from her early intervention therapies, being a preemie was another one. Even an afternoon of baking yummies (sweet desserts) with the whole family pushes through the gratitude train in my life. As my husband leads the family prayer at night, I couldn’t help but be thankful. Do you remember how you felt holding your newborn for the first time? The time when your tween felt discouraged from school, and all she needed was your hug. Those little muddy hands of your twins are trying to show you what they’ve discovered in the backyard. It all comes down to what matters the most to all of us. Finding gratitude despite life’s daily challenges can provide us a calmer and happier way to live. Redefining your Life’s purpose. You know, becoming a mother for the first time, it’s a tremendous leap of change. Your identity gets an extra stirring. Knowing who you want to be; defines your purpose. You aren’t just the mom; you are more than that. Motherhood life changes you, and your priorities change. Maybe your dreams right now are on hold for the time being. Or now that the kids are grown, you get to live on your dreams and make them possible. What you make out of your life defines you. What you value reflects your mothering heart. Being a parent is one of the most important life purposes you can ever have. You are who you are and your purpose as a person. Plenty of cuddles and tickles. There’s no more immense heartwarming experience being a mom than hearing all the peals of laughter around the house. These sweet moments with my kids are what make me feel blessed that I am their mommy. Even though some days I needed a little bit of sleeping in on the weekends, their early morning cuddles are much welcomed. Soaking in the warm hugs from our kids is one of the many joyful occurrences in motherhood. Saying I love you reassures them that they are loved and equally important. Simple acts of reconnecting with your kids bring joy instantaneously. You can never go wrong in making sure loving touch and affections are shared. Fostering a loving connection with your kids can also help them grow calmly. Isn’t it amazing when you get little bear hugs from these bunch, you are even calmer than before? The lessons learned as being a mom. If I can pick the most patient of all human beings, I would pick a mother. I have a fair share of controlled, silent mom shrill. Who hasn’t? The amount of patience that’s required of me is testing my mothering daily. But, unfortunately, practicing patience in dealing with my kids is far from a delight! Losing one’s temper can be curtailed. But when your cup is overflowing, it’s going to be tough. It shows you’re human, and you’re capable of change. What you do next, though, creates the atmosphere and tone around the home. For example, responding to a tantruming child can make or break a tense situation. I’ve learned early on the challenge of reflecting on kids’ behaviors and the context of the situation before responding. Loving the child and dealing with the behavior separately. It brings reassurance to them that the behavior manifested is the one in question. When you practice patience, it’ll strengthen you more as a person. Being patient follows letting go of what you can’t control. This serves as mindful parenting practice. And to that, I’m still learning every day. Looking back at how far you’ve come. Your strength as a mom gets magnified when you look back at the endless nights of sleeplessness, the busy to and fro car drives, tending to a sick kid while battling your exhaustion, and so much more. You’ve come out triumphant of your mothering skills. In my 11 years of mothering, I’ve found the courage to face excruciating ordeals with humility and grace. It’s not about what I’ve gone through but what the lessons were during those times. One of those experiences was becoming a Preemie Parent. I have this beautiful rainbow baby in the incubator growing steadily, but my fear of losing another child gave way to such debilitating thoughts. Looking back to those difficult times, it was definitely hard being joyful about motherhood. I was a mess. It was clear that my life has completely changed, landing on my feet warily. I’ve learned to walk in a different light to save myself. To that extent, I am proud of how far I’ve come. Being a Mom and Letting Go Excessive worries. Constant worries are part of being a parent. I hear you. So much to say; there are numerous ways moms’ fears are heightened. The worry mom tingles can appear when you hear current events that involve kids. Empathizing for those afflicted kids makes you think about if it’ll happen to your kids. It’s a huge responsibility of a parent to shield your kids from hurt, but we can only do so much. Motherly instinct kicking in at its natural course. However, the pain inflicted by other people can be downright damaging. You can prepare your kids and educate them in age-appropriate words about any possible event. You can guide them in knowing how to handle such situations. There are gray areas wherein excessive repetitive worrying thoughts can lead to the inability to function in your daily life. In addition, these intrusive thoughts occurring on a day-to-day basis for a longer period can cripple you in your mothering or even everyday living. Experiencing these symptoms of extreme worry can be addressed in a clinical setting, and that may require interventions. Professionals can bring expert guidance and follow-throughs as you navigate this area. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when this happens to you. If you need help, you can visit the National Institute of Mental Health for more information and hotline numbers in the event of a crisis. Perfection Paralysis. What you can’t control, what you can do, and what you can change. Being able to let go of issues that are beyond your control. For example, other people’s opinion of your mothering; you can’t change what they think. But you can change the way you react to them or ignore the opinions. There’s nothing wrong with aspiring perfection in motherhood. By all means, do. We all have different hopes as parents, and we give importance to what makes us fulfilled. If you focus on doing things perfectly, you end up not completing whatever you are trying to accomplish in a given time. You become stagnant and paralyze. Your home need not be perfectly spotless all the time. Sometimes family schedules can’t be perfectly laid out and strictly followed every time. The degree to which you can let go can make your life a bit more manageable without the added mental load. It can also affect your kids to a certain degree. For example, you focus only on what they are not achieving in school rather than how they’ve come so far. Appreciating the way they faced and overcame obstacles. Refrain from passing on the perfectionism torch unknowingly to them. Please do what you can and take pride in what you accomplished, flaws and all. Then, complement your kids’ progress in their schooling and celebrate their wins together. The truth that motherhood is ever-changing; it doesn’t require perfection yet requires the biggest of hearts. Comparison. Nobody is immune to comparison. If you are around my circle, you know how our busy life is. I may be thinking in excess when I see how people live. How do other moms keep it together? Spotless house, Highly Motivated Kids, Best Employee of the Month, Couple vacationing away from kids, and so on. However, these parents have personal struggles too, and that much I don’t know. I’ve realized that what I see in other people’s daily lives isn’t a reflection of what is lacking in mine. My mothering isn’t a duplicate of any mothers out there. We are all in a different phase in our mothering journey. You do what you know best and be happy in doing them. Moreover, you continue to strive for the better. In turn, it only makes you human when you accept your strengths and weaknesses in motherhood, homemaking, and raising kids. How about the comparison between your kids? Even comparing your kids to other kids, don’t even try to enter that toxic area. Nothing will do you any good when you cross that line. This behavior will hurt your kids. Accept your kids for who they are, and don’t get sucked in the compare game. Instead, talk about their strengths and talents to boost their confidence. Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 (NIV) The Mountain of Guilt. Here comes the mom guilt. It is rearing its head in the deep corners of your heart. Moms aren’t exempted from this. Trying to find the root causes of this ugly emotion, you might realize feelings that you hadn’t thought of before. What you see now might have been a memory you had experienced when you were young. You picked up on what was happening in your childhood then. So now that you’re actively parenting, it becomes an issue. Supposing you were raised in a family that rarely shows affection. You’ll then seek the need to make sure you are affectionate to your kids regularly. You give what you didn’t have, and you’re guilt-ridden when you can’t. Doing something for yourself can trigger guilt as well. You want your kids to have your fullest attention, and sometimes when you are exhausted, it’s the opposite that happens. Trying to take time away from family isn’t being self-centered. On the contrary, it’s what you need to recharge yourself to keep going. Practicing self-care promotes positive emotions and enhances your connection with your family. Feeling Inadequate. Is not being enough a paralyzing thought for you? And wondering if there’s anything you could do more? This negative emotion can make you question your worth. It amplifies your daily struggle and failures. As a result, you feel down or even numb. I can assure you feelings of inadequacy is real in my life. Every move, every choice gets placed under the lens if it’s enough; or it’s the right choice. As a mom, mistakes happen along the way, and not rising above them will linger on until it consumes you. With this in mind, you think you aren’t living to your set expectations, and that’s what bothers you the most. Because of that, it’s time to realign yourself and your purpose. If you are...

The post Being a Mom: Finding the Joy and Letting Go in Motherhood appeared first on The Motherly Heap.