Postpartum Anxiety Archives - The Motherly Heap

My Personal Story of Postpartum Anxiety (More Than I Can Handle But Overcome with Grace)

Jordan N. — Wed, 04 Aug 2021 14:57:16 +0000

This post is my personal story of Postpartum Anxiety and how I overcame it. As I recount my experience with postpartum anxiety, I am baring myself, open and vulnerable. Even though it’s scary to share this part of my life, I’m sharing this personal story because I want to do my part – in helping at least one mom who is experiencing Postpartum Anxiety. There may be triggering words in this post for moms who had pregnancy losses and intrusive thoughts. Becoming a mom was the most joyous occasion in my life. I’ve never felt vulnerable and joyful at the same time. Motherhood indeed takes you to a high level of emotions, yet it can also take you to the lowest of low. You know my career background as a nurse and a mom of three. In my nursing education, we had lessons on perinatal mental disorders, and I’ve never particularly paid much attention to postpartum anxiety as much as postpartum depression. I couldn’t say I put effort into acquiring more knowledge about the topic before it happened to me. But, when I experienced it with my firstborn, that’s when it all began. I felt sidetracked when postpartum anxiety (PPA) hit me during my first delivery. I wasn’t entirely aware it could happen that quickly and fiercely. But, when it did, it knocked me off my feet. Yes, that feeling. I wasn’t prepared to look PPA straight in the eye and stay along with the path paved around my postpartum period. My story of Postpartum Anxiety: What was it like for me? It was the scariest and out-of-mind experience I’ve ever been on. When I was recovering home after the birth of my son, I was constantly alert with heightened worries and physical symptoms. My heart was invariably racing at all times; I couldn’t sleep, my body was crumbling. In addition, I would have constant nausea and felt stressed all the time. I didn’t want to go outside. I didn’t want anyone visiting our home. Also, the constant unannounced visits made it worst. I was a first-time mom, and I thought all of these visits were supposed to make everyone happy besides me. **Trigger Warning: Death, Intrusive Thoughts I would have racing thoughts as he will be in grave danger and die anytime soon. But then, I would constantly check if he was okay. He was a healthy and happy baby; he was perfectly safe. To me, it was the excessive, repetitive thoughts and images of harm coming to my son that shackled me to the ground. Then it progressed to thoughts of me getting harmed or dying as well. And, finally, the feelings of impending doom – strike whenever, wherever. I know in my heart that I would never hurt my baby or myself; I was even scared to have those recurring thoughts. But I couldn’t shake them off, no matter what and how I tried to do it on my own. Almost identical to having obsessive-compulsive symptoms on top of my severe anxiety. I felt slowly sinking in my dangerous thoughts, and my body was responding in a way that I can’t control either. It was very much like a spin-around ride of unending negative thoughts repeatedly cycling, and I can’t stop it. It wasn’t just once. **Trigger Warning: Death, Miscarriage Postpartum anxiety didn’t happen only when I had my son. I also came face-to-face with it again when I lost my baby girl and when I had my premature daughter at 28th weeks. Although, I had it more times than others. Every experience was different each time. Losing a child was the hardest to overcome, along with the postpartum anxiety and depression. It was like seeing yourself in a horror movie, crawling out of a shut window in a cold basement with blood all over you. My miscarriage was the most heartbreaking experienced I’ve ever encountered. I never really know how it was for many moms who had pregnancy loss until I walked through it. The moment I felt my heart stopped hearing the words that there wasn’t a heartbeat anymore. I was hemorrhaging at home five days after discovering my pregnancy loss, and I had to undergo surgery. I was in my second trimester already; it wasn’t supposed to happen. But sadly, it did. I questioned myself why it all happened. I blamed myself for the things I had no control of. It was crippling. The anxiety symptoms came back along with depression. Insomnia, excessive worrying, uncontrollable bodily symptoms, and all depression symptoms you can ever read about. I never in my mind that I could ever have survived feeling both at the same time. That was beyond what my human power could handle. RELATED POST: Postpartum Anxiety and Tips for Moms Who Have It Instead of being truly happy being pregnant again, anxiety crept back in… Going through pregnancy after a loss was way beyond what I could ever imagine. It was like flying through a raging storm cloud, unable to see the end of it. Every little thing was triggering me. When another threat of early miscarriage, my perinatal anxiety continued to rise to an absolute height. Any twinge or discomfort in my body, I was hyper-alert, and I would worry excessively. Even going to the bathroom was a nightmare, fearing there’ll be a sight of blood. I would constantly listen to my baby’s heartbeat using a home portable doppler. I would call my OB clinic more times than I can ever count. (My OB clinic addressed every question and concern I ever had.) The constant fuel of worries and fears… Suddenly I was bleeding around the 16th week (second trimester) while at work. I had to be monitored closely for more episodes of intermittent bleeding by my OB doctor. The bleeding finally stopped. My baby was safe and unharmed inside. Then my anxiety got worse. When I had an early C-section due to preeclampsia, I was not responding to treatment after grueling five days in the hospital. Again, my baby was only 28 weeks at that time. It was too early but life-saving for both of us. It was too much, more than enough for me to go down the drain again. Every day was a struggle for me. This time was different from the previous episodes. It was still difficult, but I was able to recognize what was happening to me. Although that was the case, it wasn’t easy at all. Just thinking about what will happen to my sweet baby girl and being in the NICU was enough for my mind to spin over. It was enormously more challenging when I also had to be present and be there for my son. Although I know my husband was there for him, I’ve felt I’ve failed him as his mom. He didn’t deserve to have a mom that was barely hanging on. I still have to wake up, show up and keep going. On top of that, my daughter is fighting for her life in the NICU. So she also needed a mom who cares for herself and strives to stay healthy – mind and body. My husband was the trooper in all of these. When I couldn’t show up for everyone or myself, he picked up what he can and carried us all through. And the person who reminded me that it’d all be alright. How did I manage all that? Although all of it was crippling me, I continued to stay positive. However, it was beyond difficult due to my emotions being all over the place. I’m thankful for my supportive husband that through it all, he’s my rock. I also made sure I reached out to my village: my parents, relatives, friends, and close nursing colleagues. I continued my trust in God. There wasn’t anything He can’t do. He’s my Amazing Grace and my Refuge. He strengthened me and kept me in His Perfect Love. The most loved verse of mine at that time was “Perfect Love casts out fears.” 1 John 4:18 I reached out to my doctor and sought help. As a result, I started on meditations, relaxation methods, and other interventions. To sum, all three experiences of having postpartum anxiety required different approaches each time. Exercise also helped with my mood, both my anxiety and depression. Somehow, it lifted me and gave me another purpose to focus and push more for myself. Self-care practice helps me save myself. I’ve learned to calm my mind through meditation and yoga practice. In addition, writing how I felt when anxiety comes full force helped me reduce some of my burdens. Lastly, I committed to putting myself first for my healing and recovery. It wasn’t easy to overcome all of it, but I gave my best. All of these postpartum anxiety experiences and my story had made my motherhood hard. However, it made me a stronger person coming out of it. I am grateful for being a mom, and I wouldn’t exchange it for anything. It taught me that even how prepared I was to become a mom finally, I did not know what comes ahead. It taught me that healing could happen no matter how slow; it’s steady and full of grace. The people who loved me will be there no matter what and are willing to support me. For that, I’m grateful. I’ve been fortunate that I have a solid support system, and my healthcare team is responsive. In addition, my faith in God kept me centered. Takeaways for Moms with Postpartum Anxiety I want to let moms with postpartum anxiety know that they can overcome it, and your story doesn’t end there. To know that you aren’t alone in this battle. You are more powerful than you think. You’ll heal in time and recover at your own pace. Don’t let it define you or your motherhood. When you take a step forward to acknowledge what you’ve been through, you’ll discover a new strength that is incomparable to your past or what you’ve gone through. Find strategies that can help you in your healing journey with PPA. Remember, there is help for you. Also, set clear boundaries around your postpartum period regardless if you are experiencing postpartum mental disorders. It has been shared by many moms, especially first-time moms, the overwhelming pressures of others. It is your healing time, your recovery phase. You decide what you can take and limit what you can’t. RELATED POST: First-Time Mom? The Honest, Raw, and Obvious Truth Here are simple tips for managing postpartum anxiety: To know yourself and the profound changes in your body and mind. Take care of yourself; prioritize yourself Speak up about your fears around your pregnancy, labor, birth, and recovery. Create a strong system of supportive people in your life and ask for help. Take it easy on yourself, don’t blame yourself that it happened to you Continue to seek help when needed – from your doctor, therapist, and other healthcare providers. Make time to bond with your newborn as you possibly can It may be hard to see the end of the tunnel, you may think you aren’t good enough for your baby, or you may think you failed. Those are not true. These thoughts will all be lessened in time, and hopefully, you’ll recover. Healing from your postpartum anxiety can take a long time and requires your commitment. Take it each day at a time, as I did. In the end, you heal from within, and your overall mental health and wellness will resurface in time. My story of postpartum anxiety is one I keep tucked in my heart, knowing I fought the hardest and I healed. If you are battling postpartum anxiety and need help, please reach out to your doctor or call the resource below. Moms can reach the NAMI HelpLine Monday through Friday, 10 a.m.–8 p.m., ET.1-800-950-NAMI (6264) or info@nami.org RELATED POST: Postpartum Anxiety and Tips for Moms Who Have It Have you gone through postpartum...

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Postpartum Anxiety and Tips for Moms Who Have It

Jordan N. — Thu, 29 Jul 2021 21:20:54 +0000

What is postpartum anxiety? Why does it happen? What can you do if you or anyone you know are experiencing anxiety after giving birth? Postpartum anxiety (PPA) is a mental disorder experienced by moms who have recently given birth or around the recovery period of 6 months to a year. Awareness of postpartum anxiety is not as full-blown as information on postnatal depression that moms get access to. Unfortunately, the discussion about this particular maternal mental disorder has less searchable information on the web either. According to Postpartum Support International on Anxiety During Pregnancy and Postpartum, “Approximately 6% of pregnant women and 10% of postpartum women develop anxiety. Sometimes they experience anxiety alone, and sometimes they experience it in addition to depression.” Another study by Lorraine Byrnes Ph.D., PMHNP-BC that 11-21% of US women are vulnerable in the perinatal and postpartum period to develop anxiety disorders. Many moms face this period of distress as they transition into their new role as mothers and even as mothers who have had more children. PPA doesn’t pick its host. It settles within whether you are ready or not. When can Postpartum Anxiety occur? How long does it last? It sets in anytime during your postpartum period; it can be as early as a few weeks and as late as a year or so after. But, when it shows itself, you may not realize that it has. It can crawl slowly unnoticed, or it can be as loudly stumping around you. Any mom can experience it once or more times in succeeding deliveries. I had it with all three of my babies, three distinct pregnancies, and experiences. If you had postnatal anxiety after your first baby, you might or might not experience it after the next child. Everyone is different, and each pregnancy/recovery is unique. An epidemiological study on women at Chaim Sheba Medical Center maternity ward indicates that approximately 40% of women postpartum experienced severe anxiety. Moms experiencing postnatal anxiety can last an extended time without proper treatment and support. The recovery from anxiety will depend on the severity of her status, when she reached out for help, whether she has a supportive circle, and her willingness to commit to helping herself get better. There are many circumstances that moms learn how to manage their anxiety in their day-to-day living, and it’s entirely possible to attain it with proper care and treatment. Why does it happen? Causes and Risk Factors for Moms When moms cross the threshold of birth, the hormones can shift significantly in the body. It can cause massive changes because hormones are decreasing abruptly, such as estrogen and progesterone. Additionally, other hormones are increasing after birth, like prolactin, oxytocin, and thyroid hormones. Also, the chance of experiencing postnatal anxiety increases with every delivery. In general, causes are unknown; however, risk factors can contribute to the PPA setting in. The risk factors that may increase your risk of experiencing Postnatal Anxiety: Anxiety (personal or family history) Previous experience with anxiety or depression Difficult pregnancy Trauma at birth/PTSD Sleeplessness/Sleep disruptions Thyroid imbalances Medical Problems (Baby or Mom) Other mental disorders Postpartum Obsessive-compulsive disorder (POCD) Pregnancy Loss/Stillbirth Even if you don’t fall into the categories above, you can still experience PPA during the first week to a year after birth. Therefore, it’s best to know PPA and continue to work closely with your doctor during postpartum recovery and postpartum visits. Signs and Symptoms of Postpartum Anxiety Symptoms of anxiety can be seen as usual around your recovery. However, when it interferes with your thoughts, emotions, and daily living, it can pose a threat to your wellbeing and even your newborn. Trouble sleeping Constant Excessive Worry Sleep and Eating Disturbance Increased Heart Rate, or Palpitations Increased Respirations, and Blood Pressure Dizziness, Headache, Being Flushed, Excessive Sweat Stomach Pain and Nausea Panic Attacks Racing Thoughts Feelings of impending doom or death Unable to relax and be still Irritable and sometimes anger Feelings of Overwhelm and Distress Inability to focus Memory Lapses RELATED POST: My Personal Story of Postpartum Anxiety Treatment and Help for Moms with Postnatal Anxiety Your healthcare provider will screen you for perinatal mental disorders, including postpartum anxiety using a standard screening. Some providers may screen you a few weeks before the due date to anticipate postnatal anxiety signs and symptoms, especially if you’re high risk. You may undergo a complete psychiatric evaluation by a licensed mental health professional to determine the cause of anxiety (whether caused by other factors). Although you can quickly look up symptoms online, be sure to visit a doctor for assessment, diagnosis, and treatment. Knowing what your treatment options are and when to ask for help Reach out to your doctor when symptoms occur early on. It’s crucial to bring attention to what you’re experiencing to your doctor so interventions can begin. The treatment can start with a non-medication approach and therapeutic counseling. When symptoms become severe, you may be prescribed medications and other supportive supplements by your doctor. If you are worried about taking medications when breastfeeding, please talk with your doctor and pediatrician. They can give you the best advice on how to move forward with this treatment option. Your support system can also help you be alert; they’re the ones you encounter daily or sometime during your recovery and the vulnerable postpartum period. Other modalities can help moms with postnatal anxiety, such as guided meditations, cognitive behavior therapy, or essential oils. These alternative methods in managing anxiety for moms can get added to your primary treatment mentioned above. Joining a mom group can also help with belonging to a community that understands what you’re going through and can support moms experiencing PA. I was fortunate enough to find a support group when I was on the difficult journey of postpartum anxiety. For immediate help, call 911. Also, call the SAMHSA’s National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357). Please don’t hesitate to call. Can you also get perinatal anxiety? Yes, it can happen, especially to first-time moms—the fear of the unknown and fear of birth (voiced out or unspoken). When new moms encounter worries around labor and delivery, it can predispose them to have perinatal and postpartum anxiety or other perinatal mental disorders. Also, moms told that their babies might have abnormalities or die at birth or soon after. In addition, postnatal anxiety is seen among those already distressed pregnant moms. Even moms who already delivered other children, perinatal anxiety can set in. For Moms who had previous losses, it can increase their risks of perinatal anxiety occurring. Therefore, it’s essential to have strong support and follow-up. Sometimes, moms who work outside the home can also experience ongoing anxiety and go back to work after the baby’s birth. Any scenario involving moms can give way to stress and eventually develop into PA. Tips on New Moms with Postnatal Anxiety 1. Be aware of yourself (emotions, thoughts, and other changes) and your recovery. 2. Acknowledge your fears and worries (labor, delivery, and recovery). 3. Seek out help from your doctor and other healthcare professionals. 4. Have a solid supportive circle around pregnancy and postpartum. If you’re at high risk, your spouse can also be another eye to monitor signs and symptoms of PA. 5. Take it easy during your recovery period. (Easier said than acted on, but it’s achievable with help). 6. Remember to care for yourself and make time. (Self-Care for Moms). 7. Bonding with your baby may be delayed because of your condition; know that you aren’t failing your baby. 8. Write down your experience – labor, birth, recovery (only if it’s not triggering you). Write everything out to keep your mind out of it or talk it out with someone. 9. You can meditate and pray. Let your mind re-focused on the positive. Practice deep breathing every day. Pray for the strength you need and guidance to overcome this trial. 10. Give yourself love and take it one step at a time. Ways you can support someone with Anxiety after Birth Be ready to listen with no judgment. Encourage the mom to seek help and check in regularly. Ask what you can do to help her. Sometimes, the mom will decline your help. But, if there’s an opportunity to do something at home, do it. You may see her cry, rage, panic, or be apathetic. Try to understand her raw emotions. Show her that she is loved and supported. Pray for her and offer some encouraging words (Bible verses, other religious statements based on her affiliation preference). Words of Encouragement for Moms who has Postpartum Anxiety Mama, you are enough, beautiful, the mom your baby needs, and you are supported. You may not feel yourself at this moment. You may blame yourself for what’s happening. Know that it isn’t your fault or undoing. When you seek help, you are the bravest. You put yourself first and find what works. It may not come easy, but it will get better as time goes. Getting your anxiety under control and treated can help you heal and recover. In addition, working through your anxiety can improve the state of your life. Finally, enjoy your motherhood experience with your newborn. Disclaimer: Although The Motherly Heap strives to provide accurate general information, the information presented here is not a substitute for any professional advice, and you should not rely solely on this information. Always consult your doctor or healthcare professional. If you find this post on postpartum anxiety helpful, please Share It. In addition, you can also Subscribe to The Motherly Heap Newsletter. Thank you.

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