Admit It: Moms Need Self-Care In This Hard Year

Since the pandemic hit, we felt our world had immediately spun 180 degrees. The normal buzzing community came to a pause. Everything just halted. Health protocols were established, and the world we knew – instantly changed. I’m sure that self-care for moms is the last thing in your mind, Mama.

We didn’t get to prepare, and we were definitely ambushed. One of the things that landed on our feet was staying home. And because we weren’t sure how this pandemic pan out, we anchored deep.

Moms definitely felt sidetracked. Working moms had to scramble on making sure someone was home with the kids when schools and daycare centers were closed. One had to be around your kids when you are expected to be at work 100%.

It must have been hard for you. I’ve been there too. It was almost like a nightmare – not knowing what this virus took and for how long. The dread I felt when my husband faced the surge of Covid ICU patients in our city. And just like that – an unfamiliar choice I had to make for myself and my family, I stopped working to be home with my kids.

Stay-at-home moms also struggled to have kids do distance learning and re-adjust the home schedule as needed. Consequently, dynamics shifted within families, and kids had to face big changes around their routines. That in itself was stressful enough.

This brings you to what you’ve been through this past year.

Moms catered to what was expected and kept pushing through the hard year. The thought of making ends meet and making sure everyone is safe from the virus – goes through your mind every single day. Just the overall stress that’s been building up and eating you from the inside.

There wasn’t a moment to pause and evaluate what You needed at those times. Self-care simply wasn’t an option for busy moms. The family came first, and you did take care of them. However, taking care of YOU wasn’t the precedence and just wasn’t a priority for you.

What were you supposed to do then? When everyone depended on you to keep it together, you showed up. Likewise, your personal needs aren’t ranked above everyone’s needs. Your spouse probably has the same issues running through his mind. There were too many on your plates.

Where are you right now?

Putting yourself first is probably the last thing in your mind last year, as you set your priorities. Your kids and your spouse’s needs were on top of the list. Your house second and your work/home third. Whatever the hierarchy in your invisible file, YOU aren’t at the forefront of it. 

Then let me say this, You are a priority! Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish.

Now is the chance for you to show up for yourself. The time to put anything aside and just do YOU.

I know this is crazy to think. I didn’t consider stopping, and getting a bit of time just for me. It was like being on auto-pilot – do this, do that and repeat. This was my reality.

You don’t have the indulgence of time to care for yourself, and too many demands stacking up.

But let’s just pause for a moment and zip everything up in a big yellow file. Pull out your name – MAMA file and put it on the table. 

Assess yourself. What do I need RIGHT now?

How is my mental health? What am I doing for my physical well-being? Did I even go for my woman’s annual? What is keeping me up at night? 

Then, what is it that you want for yourself?

It doesn’t have to be glamorous as a weekend spa retreat or a 3-day Hotelcation by yourself. No kidding, those are great ME-time breaks to do too.

Mamas, you might be considering the bare minimum such as, showering for 30 minutes without interruption and reading a book without anyone screaming in the background for your name. 

These things are just what you need right now, and there’s nothing wrong with them. In fact, these could be what’s all needed as moms get started on their own self-care. Every mama’s needs are different, and we all respect that.

Mama, I get it.

Then, what is keeping you from starting self-care?

Does it have to do with guilt? Do you feel guilty for carving a time for yourself when people at home rely on you? Do you feel anxious when you take a break from everyone? 

The mom guilt they all talked about is real. It’ll surround you like a fog. Every time you try to do something just for yourself, you feel you’re taking away what’s supposed to be for your kids or family.

How many times had these situations occurred? You are out shopping for yourself alone or with friends, and all you can think of was what’s happening in your home? Did the kids already eat at this time? How about when you and your spouse went on a dinner date, and all you can think of was – are the kids asleep or still up?

Moreover, it’s always a struggle of doubt and the constant worry of failure that keeps you from it. Mama, I won’t ask you to surrender because it’ll be difficult.

But, I’d say that those recurring thoughts could be lessened by indulging in care for yourself. I still have to hear from a mom without those thoughts running through her mind.

Finding the perfect time to do it is a myth. Admittedly, if you don’t make the time – you can never find “your time”. My time is linked to my to-do list, so I make it a point I pen my Me-time. I schedule myself in my early morning routine, and it works for me.

What are the areas to examine with regards to self-care for moms?

There are 4 areas you can check on self-care ideas. Emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual – the primary areas you can start with. 

Emotional self-care

It can begin when you acknowledge that what you feel right now is important. Connecting with your heart is pivotal to your overall well-being. Love yourself. Recognize your need to feel loved and cared for by others.

You can’t give what you don’t have. This can begin by setting a clear goal of filling up your bucket with care and kindness to yourself. Once you get a good grip on your emotions, you can better assist your kids and family with theirs.

When we don’t assess our inner feelings, we become weary and can lead to total burnout. Don’t let it get there. Talking it out with your spouse, your own mom, your best friend, or even a professional can assist in creating an emotional outlet.

Physical self-care

If you are struggling through the normal bouts of living, then it’s time to stop. Your body needs nourishment first and foremost, and it needs healthy management to function well. Assessing your eating habits is the first thing you can do to see what needs changing.

Your activity level is second – are you very active, moderately active, and so on. A simple power walk, a short run, 20 minutes workout, and any fitness activity can increase your energy. Physical self-care can enhance or break your daily living.

Related post: Physical Self-Care for Moms

Wait, even rest is necessary.

A break from your daily homemaking and just focusing on needed rest can keep you from burning yourself out. I am not here to judge what you aren’t doing to improve this area in your life. Let’s focus on finding ways that can promote healthy habits in you.

Mental Self-care for Moms

This can be a revealing quest. You dive deep into your psychological needs. When was the last time you just put everything down and stop to reflect? Take time for self-reflection.

Spend some mindfulness minutes every day. You can write in your journal and document your inner thoughts/feelings as a mom and your motherhood journey. 

Asking for help from a professional; when your coping skills are being threatened isn’t wrong. There’s nothing wrong when you reach out to someone who can help you. Just thinking about getting help is the number step into caring for yourself mentally.

Let me say that seeing a counselor doesn’t mean you have a problem. It can simply mean that a part of your life needs sorting out, and an outside perspective and expertise are needed. So, keep this option open, and be brave to ask for guidance.

Your mental health is as equally important as the other phases in your life. The most vulnerable time I can remember was when I was postpartum with all my kids. I felt alone, but don’t get me wrong – my husband was there for me, my family was. Simultaneously, that overhead cloud creeps around in the least unexpected time, and it can go bad real quick.

Check out this article by Eiseman,J. Moms, It’s Okay to Ask for Help–Maternal Mental Health [Blog Post]

Retrieved from : ajanatherapy.com

Last but not least is Spiritual self-care

Self-care for moms in this area can include prayers, practicing gratitude, and your link with the world around you. 

Firstly, your constant connection to God can be part of improving your spiritual needs. When your faith is centered and prioritized, things fall right into place. Seeking guidance from the bible to endure daily struggles can become an important component in strengthening your faith. 

Secondly, identifying what’s important in your life and finding meaning in it – is good spiritual preparation. Check yourself, your marriage, your home, and your work. Staying grounded and practicing mindfulness can become your starting point. 

Thirdly, surrounding yourself with the pure beauty of nature can help with your spiritual pilgrimage. The fresh air and natural sounds around you can give your mind the clarity and openness you seek. 

Lastly, It doesn’t have to be in this order, and you don’t have to do all three. Pick the ones that resemble your purpose and beliefs.

Why is self-care important for moms?

Taking care of yourself – doesn’t mean you are tapping out. It’s a remedy for self-improvement and inner healing. Mama, you don’t have to justify your need for self-care.

You just need to take that first step. You care for others unconditionally, and the time has come to care for you. Mama, putting your needs first isn’t a bargain or reward.

For instance, “when the office is clean, I’ll go take a shower”; “when the bedrooms are picked up, I’ll do my workout” It’s time to put the “when this is done, I’ll do” end.

Yes, you might be lamenting – this all comes with motherhood, and you signed up for it. It doesn’t have to be this way. You don’t have to feel this way about self-care. Don’t put yourself in the maintenance file and only be retrieved when needed. You deserve to be cared for. This isn’t being selfish; this is an act of preservation.

Imagine your daughter or son looking up to you and watching your every move. They’ll see mama loving herself, putting importance on improving healthy habits, and most of all seeing mama engage in activities that make her happy.

These subtle changes you do for yourself they see now will carry them through the years and into their adult life. You are a role model to your kids. They copy you and your actions.

Let this be another driving force for you and everything you do. When you care for yourself, you can give your best to your family and home. Promise yourself that choosing YOU – is helping you thrive as a mom and as a person.

Related post: Self-Care for Working Moms

I’m glad you’ve come to this place today! Mama, you are a priority! Loving yourself first is the greatest gift you can give to the people you love. If you are lost on ideas of self-care for moms, you can start here.

I would love to hear from you. Tell me, what areas are you going to be focusing on today? Share a self-care idea that worked for you that you recommend for moms.