First-Time Mom? The Honest, Raw, and Obvious Truth

Being a first-time mom, you deal with the newness of motherhood upfront. It’s a graceful process to go through as you experience this new phase in your life. It’s the most joyous of moments but at the same time the scariest.

This Beginning Phase of Motherhood 

You’ll be stepping into this new role. This phase is going to be a mom-coaster. The new challenge: different emotions, exhaustion, expectations, realities, and dreams. The phase where you seek assurance and validation of what you got into.

I recall my homecoming day as a new mom with my son. It was a bright Friday morning. My husband put our sleeping son in his car seat as my nurse stood nearby. I buckled up gently around my C-section wound.

Then I thanked my nurse for the great care I received, and she nodded with a smile and told me – You got this. I remember looking straight at our son and gazing towards my husband in the front; my thoughts came rushing through.

How are we going to do this thing? Am I gonna be the mom I hope to be? What if I can’t handle everything? How am I going to be caring for my son, at the same time myself and my husband? Millions of questions flooded my brain as we drove home. 

Fact: I was a new mom! Doubt: I was going to step into a new role. I don’t think I’ve read enough or prepared enough for this phase. 

When all is NEW to You

Do you remember being the new kid in grade school? And you don’t know what to expect, not knowing the rules and people to interact with. You get excited, and you’re also anxious about everything. 

I say it’s pretty much parallel to being a new mom. Your vulnerability in the new role you hold now is profound. Sure, you can read all about becoming a mother, all about newborns, attend parenting classes, etc.

But when it comes down to you and your baby – your slate is blank. You don’t have a historical record of you to look back and refer to. That’s when you’ll feel lost and unsure of everything. I’m talking about a new, uncharted phase in your life. 

It’s a phase in which you and being a mom integrate. You feel this enormous pressure to adjust to the new role and at the same time stay true to your identity before. It’s a continual process of personal growth, including being a mom now. This in itself can be taxing to your emotions and mind.

“The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.” by Osho

Navigating Motherhood as a First-time Mom

Your Body and Emotions AFTER the Birth

Giving birth to your baby; you gave birth to a new you. Your body has undergone great physical changes from conception up to this point. It’s going to continue to change as the body tries to adjust overall in the coming weeks and months.

Your hormones surged abruptly from low to high and back. These are all part of the motherhood transformation.

These changes are monumental to each first-time mom. I don’t think you need a reminder of how your feet swell up, how your mornings started (if you had morning sickness), and what fears you had in mind while going through all that. 

It’s okay to know that it will not be a quick recovery process. Overwhelming as it was, take it with small steps. Try to be patient with yourself. Emotions can really run wild, and it’s okay if you don’t have control over it. 

Your body image might not be the one you envisioned or had before, and that’s okay too. Mama, there’s no immediate rush to get back to your pre-mom body. Being a first-time mom will take a lot of adjusting and accepting the now.

New Mom: Baby Blues, Postpartum Anxiety, and Postpartum Depression:

This in itself is a long topic to talk about. Grazing the key points to remember. 

• Baby blues are normal in transitioning to motherhood. It comes as a hormonal change and mood shifting. The surge itself can make you think you are going crazy, but you aren’t. 

• Baby blues can present anytime after giving birth for up to 3 weeks. If you think you’re experiencing negative symptoms more than that, please contact your doctor.

• Postpartum Depression is hard. It shouldn’t come with shame and guilt. 

• Moms, especially first-time moms, are vulnerable in this motherhood phase. It doesn’t only affect first-time moms; it can happen when another birth occurs. There are plenty of assessment tools you can use with the guidance of your doctor to check if you are battling postpartum depression.

• Postpartum anxiety can happen as well. Familiarize yourself with the common signs and symptoms. Seek help from your doctor.

• Your doctor can assist you best in creating a plan to help you and can refer you to a qualified counselor for therapy as needed. 

• Talk to your spouse about your needs and ask him to be your wingman when you can’t see what’s going on.

When I was in this situation, I didn’t see it like that. Just place it as being exhausted and I’m thankful my husband did. You don’t have to be in agony. You must acknowledge the occurrence as the first step and ask for help.

RELATED POST: My Personal Story of Postpartum Anxiety

Your Newborn

The baby ultimately is attuned to you, Mama. She/he knows your voice, your scent, your touch, and your love. Your warmth when you cradle for feedings (breastfeeding/bottle feeding). 

The sense of security felt by your baby will increase attachment both ways. She/he knows that you are there and tries to explore her/his new world through you. 

For the first weeks – it’s a basic cycle phase. Eat, sleep, poop/pee repeat. And as your baby grows, the needs and cycle expand. Your baby knows you’ll be there to meet her/his needs. That is trusting love from a newborn.

Every baby stage has increasing demands, and it can get overwhelming. You are equally understood if you break down; motherhood isn’t for perfection. Embrace your experiences with a lot of grace and learn from them.  

Your Village: Spouse, relatives, and friends

Although, you may feel alone at times in this new role. You have someone close to your heart who is experiencing being a first-time parent – your spouse.

You are both discovering this parenthood together.

Your innermost desires and fears are shared in one. It may be different for your spouse in his perspective. However, know that you have your partner next to you and that you are supported. 

When it gets hard in the coming months, relatives and friends will be a village of help. I know it’s hard to ask for help and be seen as unprepared for this. However, you don’t have to struggle and face all these at once.

Extend some kindness to yourself by not stacking everything for you to do. Set priorities and focus one at a time.

If you are part of a first-time mom’s village, be understanding and supportive of her. You’ve been in her shoes in the past, and your wisdom can be her beacon. In addition, don’t be pushy with your views. If she seeks your advice, give it with reassurance and loving honesty.

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Your Recovery Essentials as a First-Time Mom:

• Comfortable clothes and undergarments: Robes, Breastfeeding Tops and Bras, Cozy pants and Dresses

• Pads and creams: Maternity pads, Medela breast pads, and creams (Earth Mama Organics Nipple Butter)

• Pillows: Breastfeeding Pillow

• Binders: Belly Bandit Postpartum Wrap

• Mommy/Baby Nearby Kit includes Chapstick, Wipes, a Few Diapers, Snack Bars, Water bottles, Chargers, Books, and burp rags.

• Dry shampoo: whichever you are using; if you’re looking for one – Check Here

• Pain relievers: Ask your doctor what pain medicine she recommends.

• Therapy Packs: Hot or Cold packs

• Prenatal Vitamins: whichever you’ve been using during pregnancy.

• Phone number of your OB/Baby’s Pediatrician: Keep it handy.

• A postpartum plan – for your recovery. (Grab the FREE Postpartum Planner from the post.)

RELATED POST: Postpartum Kit for a C-section Mom

Your Boundaries

This portion of truth can be controversial to some. As a first-time mom, you’re bombarded with new parenting advice and push-backs. Let this be a time for reflection. You don’t have to follow what worked for your mom, mom-in-law, best friend, favorite teacher, and moms who have been there. Therefore, create your own motherhood path.

They can be your resource and know you decide what works for you and your baby. You’re with your baby 24/7 and closely know what happens within. Their advice comes from helpful hearts. Thank them for their advice; act on what you think is best for you and your baby. 

House rules and Baby rules:

When you’re leaking breast milk, spit-ups on your favorite top, hair uncombed with dark circles around your eyes: I’m sure you aren’t welcoming visits with teas and scones. That’s alright; you aren’t obligated to accept visitors, especially unannounced ones. 

Set your boundaries ahead of time. This isn’t being selfish; it’s protecting your sanity when visitors push back on when they want to come and just show up whenever they want without consideration. Visitors aren’t just anyone; they can be relatives, friends, and neighbors. 

When you are up for a visit, welcome them and thank them for coming to check up on you and your baby. Sometimes, you sit there, and all attention goes to the baby, perfectly expected. Great, if they remember to ask how you are too. When they ask what they can help you with – if you need it; take up their offer; if not at the moment, politely decline and keep the channel open in case you do in the future. 

Baby cries, the baby goes back to Mama, no questions asked. You shouldn’t be begging to get your baby back when everyone clearly sees she/he needs you. Any visiting person should know that.

When it comes to your baby – you are PRIMARY or Dad, and everyone can chill. Additionally, if you aren’t comfortable for them to hold the baby, then express yourself.

Do what makes your mom heart and mind at peace. In the end, anyone who makes your motherhood more challenging and stressful – will know their place in your circle.

Last words to a First-time mom from a mom who’s been there…

Congratulations on becoming a first-time Mom. You are beautiful, and you are your baby’s world right now. Embrace the excitement that comes with the newness of motherhood. Enjoy your newborn.

Be kind to yourself as you transition into this new role. Even when you feel you’re lacking, you are enough. When your recovery is at stake, ask for support and help. Call upon your village.

It’s perfectly normal not to love every minute of your journey.

I believe every mom needs to be honest first with herself. There is no shame in not positively raving about motherhood. You are right to own how you feel and not what other people think.

Every day is a learning process in this motherhood journey. This phase is just the beginning, and please know the ride can really get tough, but You got this, Mama!

When you were a first-time mom, how did you feel? If you’re expecting, what are your expectations and hopes? Share in the comment below. I’d love to hear from you.

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