Rediscovering Yourself After Motherhood

There’s nothing wrong with trying to step back from motherhood for a moment. It doesn’t mean you’re abandoning the ship. That’s not the case. You are embarking on a new sail of rediscovering yourself when motherhood tends to overpower everything.

You may be realizing that something in your life is quite missing. You’re standing at a fork in the road, unsure of where you’re supposed to go or who you are.

Motherhood is undoubtedly a blessing. Yes, you know that by heart. Are there times, however, when you just want to put the apron away?

Those times that you just want to get out of the mothering loop?

I feel you, right there. I know that eerie feeling in your gut. That inner sensation that’s crawling up to your throat.

Your heart is where it is, but your mind is somehow drowning with questions and doubts. You look deep inside, and you don’t recognize yourself anymore.

You are lost, and you feel you’re just scraping motherhood at its border. That spark of joy – in just being yourself. 

You. Not mom, not wife. You.

It’s perfectly natural to experience feelings like this at some point in your life.

It is your right to reclaim your identity. To look for something that you believe is missing. To re-discover you.

How can one lose identity in motherhood?

It is not black or white when it comes to losing one’s identity as a mother. There were hints, but it’s how things go sometimes. It’s as if you’ve just awoken from a long snooze and have no idea what day or hour it is.

There could be a variety of reasons why you haven’t seen the sense of self-identity eroding day by day.

It could be a result of a large number of obligations, an inability to see the bright side of things, a lack of coping skills, parental concerns, or a troubled marriage relationship.

No matter your reasons acknowledge that it exists and own it. Then, choose the next step, to take action.

The path of rediscovering yourself after motherhood isn’t one step and done. It’s an ongoing process of self-discovery of who you were in connection with your now.

So, I want to share my thoughts and experiences of finding my way back. Now let’s break it down to the 6 Steps of Finding yourself again.

How to Rediscover You after becoming a Mother.

1. Start a hobby or resume one.

This is the time to reflect on what were the things that you loved to do before you became a mother. What made you flourished as a person. If you’ve put these hobbies on pause, maybe it’s time to resume them again. 

Also, you can find a new hobby to start. Whatever interests you at the moment, you can try it out. When you invest time in cultivating yourself, you find joy in what you do in the process. 

Let this hobby inspire you to seek out self-improvement skills or improve mastery of the skills you’ve already acquired.

The great thing about starting a hobby these days is that you only need a reliable internet connection, to begin with. True, you can check out a book from a library or even call someone to help you out. Searching for what you are interested in and how-to’s are learning opportunities waiting to be explored.

I picked up sewing again when my daughter was a toddler and much more so last year when I became a SAHM. Simply because being a full-time nurse, managing my home, and keeping my sanity while parenting my children didn’t allow me to indulge.

I also pursued my passion for writing. There’s a calming, therapeutic effect when I write. I feel liberated and grounded. I’m able to express myself and share the lessons I learned being a mom myself.

2. Self-Care and how it can support rediscovering you after becoming a mom.

The value of self-care for moms cannot be overstated. As a mom, I’ve never felt more alive and invigorated than when I make time for myself and stick to it. 

As mothers, we can become depleted and defeated as we go about our daily activities. When things get bad, what do you normally turn to?

Retreat and surrender? Little mental wrecks and inability to concentrate? Throwing in the towel and locking ourselves in the bathroom to ugly cry for 5 minutes. 

Yes, I may be unaware of your difficulties. But I can understand the defeated feeling. 

But you’re a rational being. You’re courageous and resilient on the battlefield of parenting. 

You try to push through. You try to survive on little sustenance of motivation and energy. And you show a brave face and smile every single day.

However, you do have your breaking point. I don’t want to sound alarming, but it can considerably impact your entire health. 

A crucial step is to acknowledge that you need to care for yourself. 

That this pivotal moment is life-changing and rewarding.

Self-care saved me. That’s one of the main reasons why I’m passionate about it. 

When times in my life took a turn, putting myself as a priority changed me. I found the old me through practicing self-care, and I created ways to stay connected with myself. I also discovered new things that are replenishing my soul.

So I challenge you to do the same. There’s no harm in trying out something that can improve your status quo. Find those activities that encourage you to practice self-love: read, exercise, go outside, and more.

Free Challenge: If you are ready to jumpstart your self-care, but you don’t know where to begin? Download the 7 Days Commitment to Self-Care for Moms.

You’ll come out a better version of yourself if you’re motivated to do it and persistent in your dedication to self-care.

“Do something today that your future self will thank you for.” ~ Sean Patrick Flanery

3. Re-establishing connections outside your home.

Have you been neglecting to respond to messages or not picking up phone calls lately? When was the last time you spoke with another parent friend?

I can understand your point of view. We all have hectic schedules. We all have obligations that keep us in a tunnel vision state.

Connecting with other people who understand you helps you remember what’s important outside of parenting. They understand your struggles as a mother and want to know how you’re doing.

Talk about yourself and your current interests. Not jumping on talks about your children and home, which don’t have to be the only topic.

Find ways to reach out, and don’t isolate yourself. You can share what’s been a struggle for you in your life. You don’t have to be alone in reconnecting with yourself.

Set aside time to call them back or even react to their brief check-ins. I completely understand how valuable time is and how important it is to make the most of it.

4. Letting go in motherhood as part of rediscovering yourself

Negative emotions are unavoidable in life. They show themselves at your most vulnerable moment. 

You don’t have to deny their presence. Instead, validate how you feel. Embrace the emotions, but don’t linger too much. 

Learn to walk away. Learn to put a limit in your mind on what you allow to wallow in. 

Negative thoughts bring negative vibes to your life. Whether you say you don’t dwell on it for long or you do. It affects your opinion of yourself and your interactions with others.

Let go of the mental load that your mind is currently holding. Give yourself some space to clear your thoughts. 

How can you do that?

• Start doing mental clarity practice through meditation. 

You enter a condition of focusing yourself while you meditate. Concentrate your attention on stillness and let go of the stressful stimuli that are dragging you down.

• Try journaling.

Write down how you feel. This humble pen and paper activity can do wonders when your feelings are all jumbled.

What are your likes or even dislikes? What gave you joy before you become a mom? List down the activities that spark inspiration and creativity within you.

You can definitely start wherever part of your life needs emptying at the moment. It could be your not-so-good feelings. Tap into why you are feeling this way. Dig deep for the reasons and solutions to deal with your feelings.

What are your dreams? Where are you heading? The emotions apart from being a mom, write them down.

You can also write about gratitude. Listing the people who you are grateful for or the experiences that are giving you joy. There’s no limit to what you can jot down. Being able to be positive and thankful for what matters most.

• Seek the power of praying.

Praying for yourself. This is the time to seek assistance from the Absolute Power. Time to lay down your fears, regrets, and wins. You can bear yourself to God. Give thanks, ask for forgiveness, seek His guidance, acknowledge His ways, and follow His path.

Through prayers, you can be enlightened, and it can be the one thing that truly moves you to rediscover yourself. Present everything with no reservations and discover who you are through His words.

A humbling, transformational experience in rediscovering yourself when the heaps of motherhood can get really overwhelming, and you find yourself lost in the midst of it.

Recommended read: Prayer will Change your Motherhood by Janet Quinlan

5. Welcome Help

Firstly, take in what you can and delegate what you can’t. Subsequently, speak with your spouse. If there’s an imbalance at home and the load falls primarily on you, ask for help. Then, verbalize your needs to him. 

Sometimes, we assume our spouses see us struggling within. However, if we’re outstanding at hiding how we feel, they may not know that we are drowning.

Basically, connect and have a heart-to-heart talk. You can only make it better when all cards are on the table. Spend some quality time together to reconnect deeply.

Find answers and make changes together to help you create time for yourself. To discover ways to be able to cope with whatever you’re struggling with.

Also, don’t forget about the people who are close to you. The people who know you and will gladly lend a hand to help you lighten the load. Reach out and be open if you must.

If you feel you need professional guidance, seek help. It’s critical to contact your healthcare provider and start from there. This can be a form of finding coping strategies and creating a plan of action.

6. Be prepared. 

To accept what you find and trust in the process. Be willing to encourage yourself to keep going. No matter what has been in the past, be kind to yourself and step forward. 

Therefore, acknowledging your lapses and failures will help you accept what is to come. The one you’ve been seeking for or have lost track of. 

This is the time to take a step closer to determine who you want to be and where you want to be.

As a result, learn to look forward to improving yourself and broadening your horizons. Finding yourself while mothering can be liberating and fulfilling.

I never imagined that struggling to find myself was another turning point in my life. 

Part of the lessons I learned is that being a mom doesn’t limit my identity as to who I am. This time, together with navigating motherhood, I also enjoy experiences that align with myself wholly. 

I rediscovered myself, and so can you. 

Rediscovering and reclaiming yourself is going to be your next intention when you’re feeling lost in motherhood.

Take it in little steps. Start your 15 minutes a day until you can truly say, day by day, year after year of progress.  

Even if you felt your identity was overtaken by your parenthood journey, stay steady. You can do something about it.

Motherhood does not have to be the whole focus of your life. You may be yourself while still completing other elements of your identity.

There’s more to parenthood than improving your skills, being intentional, and loving your children. Your hopes, your dreams, and your desires – you can reconnect with yourself to bring happiness within you.

Altogether, start a hobby, make time for self-care, reach out to your village, learn to let go, welcome any help, and being ready.

You already have the necessary steps in moving forward in rediscovering yourself after motherhood. Consider the next move; I am truly rooting for you.

Here are some self-discovery quotes to get your inspiration wheels going.

“She remembered who she was and the game changed.” ~ Lalah Deliah

“Never be afraid to fall apart because it is an opportunity to rebuild yourself the way you wish you had been all along.” ~ Rae Smith

“The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are, the second greatest is being happy with what you find.” ~ Auliq Ice

“When you recover or discover something that nourishes your soul and brings joy, care enough about yourself to make room for it in your life.” ~ Jean Shinoda Bolen

“Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”
– Brené Brown

Do you have any additional thoughts on rediscovering yourself after motherhood? I’d love to hear what you have embraced in your journey.

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