Tips for a Struggling NICU Mom: Surviving the NICU Life

It’s heartbreaking and harrowing having a premature baby in the NICU. But as reality hit me that my baby would stay in the hospital and not come home with me – I became a NICU mom. In this post, I will be sharing tips on how you can survive the NICU life as a struggling mom.

I never expected the day our daughter was born; I would also become a member of the NICU parents club. I’d never thought I would be in this challenging situation.

The Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) life from any parent’s perspective is frightening. 

Even though I am a nurse by calling, nothing could have prepared me for the long nights and terrifying months inside the NICU life. 

It was hard. It was nerve-wracking and painful seeing our daughter born 12 weeks early in an incubator with all the wires attached to her tiny body. 

Being a mama came first, and it was hard witnessing how our baby could have been growing still in my womb. 

It was a mixed emotion of disbelief, guilt, numbness, anxiety, and fear. 

Who wouldn’t? 

NICU moms’ different emotions appear in this trying time – NICU time is brutal to parents (new ones or not).

The NICU nurses were encouraging and supportive – that my situation will ease up soon and for me to stay strong. I’m confident they were trying to help me feel a bit better and calm. 

The first six weeks were difficult for my husband, our six years old son, and me. I couldn’t bear to see our son cry, knowing he had lost a sister a year before and now his other sister might not come home. That memory breaks my heart a hundred million times.

My husband had to balance NICU visits, our son, his work, and with me battling postpartum anxiety. Yet, through God’s grace – we all thrived in our new everyday – life with a baby in the NICU.

Find your rhythm as a family in these life-changing weeks or even months. It will be hard and trying.

Here are tips to survive the NICU life, even as a struggling mom. 

1. Take care of your basic needs.

Sleep isn’t even on any NICU moms’ radar, but try to get some rest and enough sleep as possible. Also, eat a well-balanced diet and hydrate well to nourish yourself, especially if you’re pumping breastmilk for your premature baby. 

You are recovering from birth and healing during this postpartum period as well. I know it’s hard not to take in too much, especially juggling home and NICU life. But, if you had a C-section, your C-section wound is still fresh, new, and possibly painful – take it easy.

2. Engage in self-care activities that help you recharge in and out of the NICU. 

Find time to nurture yourself, even just for a couple of hours.

• You could read a good book while you sit by the isolette. 
• If you knit as a hobby, you can incorporate a cute hat or booties for your baby. 
• Find something that makes you happy and boosts your spirit.
• Take a short walk around the hospital garden. 
• Spend time with your spouse/significant other.

3. Familiarize yourself with the routine in the NICU. 

When they check on your baby, doctor rounds, healthcare team meetings, primary baby care, feeding times, and kangaroo care time, when possible, be an active caregiver of your baby. 

As simple as taking your baby’s temperature or helping change how they are positioned.

4. Ask questions from your nurses and doctors assigned to your baby. 

They can explain what you didn’t understand or know. Don’t hesitate to clarify before deciding on any medical plans and treatments. 

You get to decide what happens to your baby regarding procedures and other NICU care. However, in an emergency event, you may not have a long time to decide. Therefore, they will need an immediate answer from you.

Your NICU team will do whatever they can to help your baby if you aren’t around or unable to reach you to decide on emergency care. You may also be asked ahead of time about your wishes when a life-threatening event happens.

5. Reach out for support: 

• Family and friends 
• Other NICU parents
• NICU community support – NICU Helping Hands; Hand To Hold or March of Dimes NICU Family Support
• Church support groups

You can lean on them for moral and spiritual support. Also, relatives/trusted friends/sitters can keep your other children occupied if medical procedures are scheduled for your NICU baby.

6. Document your NICU stay. 

You can journal about anything, about your baby, milestones, parent-healthcare team conferences, or your thoughts/emotions. If allowed, you can take pictures of your baby or you with your baby (newborn care, skin-to-skin, or feeding times). 

7. Spend time with your other children. 

Reconnect with them between the NICU and home. It can be difficult for children to navigate the NICU routine and see their baby sibling’s condition. Being with your children can strengthen you as well as them. 

Ask them about their school and other activities. Spending time with them in these confusing times can help ease their worries and anxieties.

RELATED POST: Helping a Sibling of a NICU Baby Adjust

8. Do this together with your spouse/significant other. 

It can be challenging when a spouse is working outside the home. Likewise, it’s challenging when your schedules might not meet up. However, you can readjust your visiting times together and sometimes alone. 

Also, don’t forget to open up with each other; communication is essential to stay connected. Finally, lean on each other; you both are taking this NICU journey together.

My husband would visit our daughter in the NICU around 9 pm, and I stayed at home with our son. Then I would stay in the NICU all day while our son was at school. Then, we would visit or schedule it when he was off when our son came home from school, and we all went together. 

Ultimately, do what works for your family.

9. If you are religious, prayer can strengthen you. 

Get encouraged through the words of God and His promise. Let this experience strengthen your faith. You may have doubts and may even feel angry about what’s happening. You have every right to feel what you are feeling throughout this trying time.

Also, you know what you can handle. Take the promise of His refuge, His perfect love.

10. If you are having trouble coping beyond what you can handle.

Talk to a licensed therapist. Your doctor can refer you to a healthcare provider who can assist you in addressing your mental health needs.

Reach out for help; the NICU social worker can also help you with the resources you need.

11. Breast Milk is recommended nutrition for NICU babies (Premature/Sick Newborns).

That also means a pumping schedule for you. Your milk as a Preemie Mom may not come right away. 

At first, it’ll be just a few drops or milliliters, but as NICU nurses said – any amount of mama milk is gold. So stay with your pumping routine. 

These routines will be every 2 hours a day and every 3 hours at night. Ask for help if you are having lactation issues from nurses/lactation consultants. 

Pumping milk was the only thing I could do to help my baby and contribute. It encouraged me more to do what I could.

However, suppose you are breaking down and having difficulty coping with everything after exploring every lactation solution. Please know that it’s okay to choose not to struggle anymore. It’s okay to use donated breastmilk or even the unique formula for NICU/Premature babies. 

Please don’t blame yourself for this challenging experience and not pumping your milk. Regardless of how your NICU baby is fed, your baby needs to get the nourishment they need.

12. Do skin-to-skin (Kangaroo Care) with your premature baby. 

This method is proven to help with the baby’s development, stabilizes the baby’s heart rate and breathing, and more. For moms, it lowers stress, increases bonding, improves your milk supply, and more. 

Every kangaroo time is a blessing to every NICU mom and provides many benefits to the baby. These cuddles were most precious to me. It also allowed my husband to hold our daughter and comfort her. Our son was able to be around her during these skin-to-skin times as well.

Those are the NICU life survival tips for a struggling NICU Mom.

One day at a time, Mama. As you walk in your NICU journey, know that you are not alone. Help is available for you and your spouse. Then, finally, the day will arrive when you can welcome your sweet baby home with you.

Are you a mom with a little one in the NICU? I’m hoping this post is helpful as you navigate NICU life.

I’d also love to hear from other NICU moms who have been there. Do you have other helpful tips to add to help another struggling NICU mom?
 

September is the National Neonatal Intensive Care Awareness Month