Being a Mom: Finding the Joy and Letting Go in Motherhood

It’s hard being a mom.

What I know is that mothering doesn’t come uncomplicated. On the contrary, each walk has some peaks and ever-changing challenges.

I struggle in gratitude about my motherhood because the thoughts that hover more were the ones that brought doubts in me.

Staying positive amidst all the mothering hardships is half the battle. I am a stronger person because of what I’ve encountered daily, and it’s not getting any easier either, only different.

Not until I stopped and looked deeper did I get to see the big screen.

My life screen was as clear as a summer day. I was more than leaning into matters that gave me undue anxiety. Yet, there I was, trying to change an issue I can’t; not see the point for the way they were.

Finding the Joys in Motherhood 

Appreciating what matters.

The reason for being joyful in mothering need not be enormous. The people in your life and experiences do matter every day. Thus, letting your heart open to this wondrous path of cherishing each moment as if it’s the last.

Witnessing my son riding his bike without training wheels was a highlight in one of our summers. My daughter graduating from her early intervention therapies, being a preemie was another one. 

Even an afternoon of baking yummies (sweet desserts) with the whole family pushes through the gratitude train in my life. As my husband leads the family prayer at night, I couldn’t help but be thankful.

Do you remember how you felt holding your newborn for the first time? The time when your tween felt discouraged from school, and all she needed was your hug. Those little muddy hands of your twins are trying to show you what they’ve discovered in the backyard.

It all comes down to what matters the most to all of us. Finding gratitude despite life’s daily challenges can provide us a calmer and happier way to live.

Redefining your Life’s purpose.

You know, becoming a mother for the first time, it’s a tremendous leap of change. Your identity gets an extra stirring. Knowing who you want to be; defines your purpose. You aren’t just the mom; you are more than that. 

Motherhood life changes you, and your priorities change. Maybe your dreams right now are on hold for the time being. Or now that the kids are grown, you get to live on your dreams and make them possible.

What you make out of your life defines you. What you value reflects your mothering heart. Being a parent is one of the most important life purposes you can ever have. You are who you are and your purpose as a person.

Plenty of cuddles and tickles.

There’s no more immense heartwarming experience being a mom than hearing all the peals of laughter around the house. These sweet moments with my kids are what make me feel blessed that I am their mommy.

Even though some days I needed a little bit of sleeping in on the weekends, their early morning cuddles are much welcomed. Soaking in the warm hugs from our kids is one of the many joyful occurrences in motherhood. Saying I love you reassures them that they are loved and equally important.

Simple acts of reconnecting with your kids bring joy instantaneously. You can never go wrong in making sure loving touch and affections are shared. Fostering a loving connection with your kids can also help them grow calmly. Isn’t it amazing when you get little bear hugs from these bunch, you are even calmer than before?

The lessons learned as being a mom.

If I can pick the most patient of all human beings, I would pick a mother. I have a fair share of controlled, silent mom shrill. Who hasn’t?

The amount of patience that’s required of me is testing my mothering daily. But, unfortunately, practicing patience in dealing with my kids is far from a delight!

Losing one’s temper can be curtailed. But when your cup is overflowing, it’s going to be tough. It shows you’re human, and you’re capable of change.

What you do next, though, creates the atmosphere and tone around the home. For example, responding to a tantruming child can make or break a tense situation.

I’ve learned early on the challenge of reflecting on kids’ behaviors and the context of the situation before responding. Loving the child and dealing with the behavior separately. It brings reassurance to them that the behavior manifested is the one in question.

When you practice patience, it’ll strengthen you more as a person. Being patient follows letting go of what you can’t control. This serves as mindful parenting practice. And to that, I’m still learning every day.

Looking back at how far you’ve come.

Your strength as a mom gets magnified when you look back at the endless nights of sleeplessness, the busy to and fro car drives, tending to a sick kid while battling your exhaustion, and so much more. You’ve come out triumphant of your mothering skills.

In my 11 years of mothering, I’ve found the courage to face excruciating ordeals with humility and grace. It’s not about what I’ve gone through but what the lessons were during those times.

One of those experiences was becoming a Preemie Parent. I have this beautiful rainbow baby in the incubator growing steadily, but my fear of losing another child gave way to such debilitating thoughts. Looking back to those difficult times, it was definitely hard being joyful about motherhood. I was a mess.

It was clear that my life has completely changed, landing on my feet warily. I’ve learned to walk in a different light to save myself. To that extent, I am proud of how far I’ve come. 

Being a Mom and Letting Go

Excessive worries.

Constant worries are part of being a parent. I hear you. So much to say; there are numerous ways moms’ fears are heightened. The worry mom tingles can appear when you hear current events that involve kids. Empathizing for those afflicted kids makes you think about if it’ll happen to your kids.

It’s a huge responsibility of a parent to shield your kids from hurt, but we can only do so much. Motherly instinct kicking in at its natural course. However, the pain inflicted by other people can be downright damaging. You can prepare your kids and educate them in age-appropriate words about any possible event. You can guide them in knowing how to handle such situations. 

There are gray areas wherein excessive repetitive worrying thoughts can lead to the inability to function in your daily life. In addition, these intrusive thoughts occurring on a day-to-day basis for a longer period can cripple you in your mothering or even everyday living.

Experiencing these symptoms of extreme worry can be addressed in a clinical setting, and that may require interventions. Professionals can bring expert guidance and follow-throughs as you navigate this area. Don’t hesitate to ask for help when this happens to you.

If you need help, you can visit the National Institute of Mental Health for more information and hotline numbers in the event of a crisis.

Perfection Paralysis.

What you can’t control, what you can do, and what you can change. Being able to let go of issues that are beyond your control. For example, other people’s opinion of your mothering; you can’t change what they think. But you can change the way you react to them or ignore the opinions.

There’s nothing wrong with aspiring perfection in motherhood. By all means, do. We all have different hopes as parents, and we give importance to what makes us fulfilled.

If you focus on doing things perfectly, you end up not completing whatever you are trying to accomplish in a given time. You become stagnant and paralyze. Your home need not be perfectly spotless all the time.

Sometimes family schedules can’t be perfectly laid out and strictly followed every time. The degree to which you can let go can make your life a bit more manageable without the added mental load.

It can also affect your kids to a certain degree. For example, you focus only on what they are not achieving in school rather than how they’ve come so far. Appreciating the way they faced and overcame obstacles. Refrain from passing on the perfectionism torch unknowingly to them. 

Please do what you can and take pride in what you accomplished, flaws and all. Then, complement your kids’ progress in their schooling and celebrate their wins together. 

The truth that motherhood is ever-changing; it doesn’t require perfection yet requires the biggest of hearts.

Comparison.

Nobody is immune to comparison. If you are around my circle, you know how our busy life is. I may be thinking in excess when I see how people live. How do other moms keep it together?

Spotless house, Highly Motivated Kids, Best Employee of the Month, Couple vacationing away from kids, and so on. However, these parents have personal struggles too, and that much I don’t know. 

I’ve realized that what I see in other people’s daily lives isn’t a reflection of what is lacking in mine. My mothering isn’t a duplicate of any mothers out there.

We are all in a different phase in our mothering journey.

You do what you know best and be happy in doing them. Moreover, you continue to strive for the better. In turn, it only makes you human when you accept your strengths and weaknesses in motherhood, homemaking, and raising kids.

How about the comparison between your kids? Even comparing your kids to other kids, don’t even try to enter that toxic area. Nothing will do you any good when you cross that line. This behavior will hurt your kids.

Accept your kids for who they are, and don’t get sucked in the compare game. Instead, talk about their strengths and talents to boost their confidence.

Do not conform to the patterns of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2 (NIV)

The Mountain of Guilt.

Here comes the mom guilt. It is rearing its head in the deep corners of your heart. Moms aren’t exempted from this. 

Trying to find the root causes of this ugly emotion, you might realize feelings that you hadn’t thought of before. What you see now might have been a memory you had experienced when you were young. You picked up on what was happening in your childhood then. So now that you’re actively parenting, it becomes an issue.

Supposing you were raised in a family that rarely shows affection. You’ll then seek the need to make sure you are affectionate to your kids regularly. You give what you didn’t have, and you’re guilt-ridden when you can’t.

Doing something for yourself can trigger guilt as well. You want your kids to have your fullest attention, and sometimes when you are exhausted, it’s the opposite that happens.

Trying to take time away from family isn’t being self-centered. On the contrary, it’s what you need to recharge yourself to keep going. Practicing self-care promotes positive emotions and enhances your connection with your family.

Feeling Inadequate.

Is not being enough a paralyzing thought for you? And wondering if there’s anything you could do more? This negative emotion can make you question your worth. It amplifies your daily struggle and failures. As a result, you feel down or even numb.

I can assure you feelings of inadequacy is real in my life. Every move, every choice gets placed under the lens if it’s enough; or it’s the right choice.

As a mom, mistakes happen along the way, and not rising above them will linger on until it consumes you. With this in mind, you think you aren’t living to your set expectations, and that’s what bothers you the most.

Because of that, it’s time to realign yourself and your purpose. If you are lost amidst your best mom’s efforts, then it’s time to change your mindset. It would help if you formed realistic expectations you can achieve. Look for inspirational words to encourage you when your cross is too heavy to bear.

The people who love you see you for who you are and that you’re more than enough. Your kids are thriving because of your constant nurturing and care. Your spouse is happy and supported because you make time and fill each others’ buckets.  

Embrace Being a Mom

All in all, it can be hard to acknowledge the joys of motherhood without ever addressing the matters that are keeping you from celebrating.

Refocusing yourself can enhance the positive emotions around motherhood. Dealing with the negative side can be paralyzing to moms in some ways. However, overcoming them will help you handle yourself to move forward positively in life.

Mothering indeed can become stressful in ways you can’t imagine. But, dwelling in the negatives won’t bring any benefit to your life. Instead, being a mom requires appreciating what really matters in motherhood and letting go of the issues that are clouding that joy.

True, being a mother is downright hard. It may not show on the outside because we are good at hiding it well. Some days it’ll burst out when everything is not going our way. We pardon ourselves as often as we can. We are humans, after all, and motherhood perfection one can only aspire and hope for.

Now’s the time to set the focus on the high points of your life and give thanks for being part of this beautiful parenting journey. You deserve to find joy in motherhood and hopefully find the courage to let go of the other side of it.

Let me know in the comments: What are the joys you found in mothering? Any motherhood obstacle you overcame lately? What are valuable lessons you’ve learned as a parent every day?

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